Love thy neighbor as thyself.
This is a great commentary on judgement, truth, and love when it comes to standing up for life. Please read- standing up for the unborn is an extension of Jesus' command to love our neighbor. What is YOUR silence saying?
Thoughts on:
fear
self-esteem
truth
standing up for justice
Apologies; it has been a heady kind of day, as far as deep thoughts go. I may just be processed-out.
I learned some valuable lessons today at a nursing home. I got a better idea of what it might look like for God to pursue people: people who may be unresponsive, or antagonistic, and how much He yearns for them to understand and obey, and how much love there is in that.
I thought a lot about the kind of people Jesus would have been around. People who seem to not be "there" mentally. Or who cannot care for themselves. And I saw today God's image reflected in the faces of these precious people, and I felt deep love for them. It hurt my heart to think that they are so often overlooked in society, devalued, and uncared for.
Finally, I discovered that the simplest connection can be transmitted through a hug. A smile. Eye contact. A simple gesture. And often, more often than not, that love is received.
It is another Sunday morning. Sunday mornings should be restful and leisurely, but instead find myself in the midst of a busy and semi-stressful one. I kind of took a Sabbath yesterday, and by "kind of", I mean I was lazy allllllllll daaaaaayyyyy looooooooonnnng. Yeah. ALL DAY. I slept, watched movies, made and ate delicious homemade granola, went bowling, worked out, and slept some more. The sleeping was pretty great after a long week. I did appreciate that.
And now I find myself on a Sunday morning. Once again. I admit, I miss having family near and dear on Sundays. I really enjoy family time on a Sunday morning: something about lingering in conversation with ones dear to my heart always makes my day that much better.
I have been trying hard to imagine life outside of the constructs currently structuring my mind: class readings, exams, papers, projects, event-planning. It's quite a fight. Sometimes I feel so immersed in that world, determined by the next piece of work due and when and what time am I working today and how I am I supposed to fit in a run and what is for dinner and oh no it is time to go to sleep already and I have nothing done. And you know what? It is taxing. But I am still figuring out a way to live outside of that reality. As of now, it is a very dichotomistic thing. I either live in that world or I don't. And my lazyday yesterday? An example of trying to exist outside of that academic world without the consequences, namely, today will be busybusybusy.
The one thing I can do today, is to choose not to be stressed. To take things one moment at a time. That is hard for me. I wake up every morning and the things on my mind are typically what I need to do and where I need to go in that day. At the root of this struggle, I think, is that I am afraid to lose control and thus to be, what, imperfect? Flawed? Seen as irresponsible? I am afraid that if I let go and stop living a life so dominated by academics and my schedule that I will "slip up", miss an important meeting or deadline, and that I will fail in some dimension.
Jesus' words in the Sermon on the Mount cut straight through my busy schedule to my heart."So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34
I leave you with that this morning, friends and readers. Let us not worry, for worry has no power. But let us trust Jesus' words and trust that today is enough for today. Let us rest in Him.
I don't quite have the words, so bear with me.
"Now that I have seen, I am responsible...Faith without deeds is dead." Brooke Fraser, 'Albertine'
I have read the stories. I have seen the pictures. I have heard the testimonies. About this world full of the taking of innocent life. I just read about forced abortions in China, and how they traumatize women, devastate their families, and kill their unborn, and may I add WANTED children. My heart does not know how to deal with such violence. I think of the pro-abortion movement in America: who have been referring to potential legislation that would require women considering abortion to be shown an ultrasound as "rape". The violence associated with the forced abortions in China frankly sound more like rape to me than a vaginal ultrasound.
My heart breaks for the Chinese people. For the family members who are threatened by their mere association with a pregnant family member without a birth permit. For the women whose babies are violently killed within their wombs, and discarded before their very eyes. For these babies, who were even wanted in the first place, and then killed in such a violent way by the government.
I also read an article today exposing the connection between the utilitarian philosophy that "justified" the Nazi regime's cruel medical experiments on Holocaust victims and the same philosophy that is currently used to justify embryonic stem cell research.
LORD, how can we stand by and allow all the killing? I know You have said you have overcome the world, but God, my heart is in such chaos and I feel so helpless against the evil powers of this world. Move the cold and apathetic hearts of each of Your people, God. We are standing by these injustices, and yet we won't even look down at the blood on our hands as "ignorant bystanders". God, break our hearts and move our hands and feet to heal and bring Your salvation to a broken world.
Conversations are a bit of fuel to my soul, and I have been both challenged and encouraged by several good conversations lately. Three or four, in fact. Some having to do with the future, others having to do with the past, and some having to do with the present. All were valuable chunks of time in which I felt like I was able to be heard, loved, and understood. And sometimes I forget, in the midst of my crazy life, that I have things to say. Things that are important.
I am also reminded that God calls me to live now. He calls me to this moment. Not to worry about tomorrow- for it will take care of itself. I expend so much energy on what others think I ought to do or say or live, and not enough on seeking God in the moment-to-moment rhythm of life. He asks me to exhale my worry and breathe in trust. I want to do this.
My friend had this quote up in her art studio today: "Comparison is a thief of joy." I thought that was very true. And contentment- it is a learning curve, but is so much about choosing to claim joy over our lives in the midst of whatever.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed and holy be Your name. We pray Your Kingdom come, and Your will be done, here on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.
I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I think there are some common misconceptions about Christian sexuality and sexual ethics. One common school of thought may be:
Christians are prudes, and they refrain from sex outside of marriage because they are scared and ashamed of their bodies.
--There is some truth in this particular tenet. I am not one to underestimate the depths of the shame that Christians carry around, and the grips Satan keeps God's people in that deal with shame. And I would suggest that fear is not limited to Christians. Not to say that all people are fearful of sex, but I am certain there are some non-Christians who are as hesitant about sex as any hesitant Christian might be. Therefore, it is not an accurate summation to place the heart of Christian sexual ethics and behavior on fear.
I would go further to say that the reasons Christians approach sex in a manner so altogether different than the world does has more to do with a sense of sacredness and a call to holiness than it has to do with fear, sexual 'repression' (as opposed to free sexual expression, etc.).
It is because we believe our bodies are created in the image of God. It is because we see intricate and implicit value in our bodies, and therefore the sexual acts that are possible because of the amazing creation of our values. It is because God has created sex as a good thing, an intimate thing. It is because we cannot cheapen something our God has made holy and intended for the purest of circumstances.
It is really something beautiful, not repressed, prudish, or full of fear. I think the appropriate place to exercise such a vulnerable gift is in the covenant of trust that Christian marriage established under and blessed by God. Now that is truly "free love".
The apathy and stagnancy that so often grips my heart disgusts me. How many days do I spend seeking the hedonistic and short-lived self-fulfillment this world promises in the hope of salvation? Comparable to God, all else falls short. My addiction to technology, and the current of my self-seeking mornings to my self-seeking nights sickens me at this moment.
I know this time in my life is different, I am aware how the rhythms, challenges, and demands of this season are strikingly out of place when looking at the rest of the world. And yet I refuse to conform to the culture of my peers- that I live for weekends, that my greatest pleasure occurs on a Friday evening. I am tired like the rest and crave sleep, but I don't want to keep seeking my own comfort and pleasure. I want to live for something more, SomeOne more.
God has given us a commission. We are His purveyors of justice and speakers of the Good News in His world. What would it look like if we lived this out? I want to entertain this thought in my life. I want my heart to be so desperately captured by Jesus that I am bent by His love, by my response to Him to live a life that seeks His kingdom above all else. Does this not include His justice? We pray in the Our Father, the prayer Jesus Himself taught us to pray, for "Your [God's] kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven."
I could go on about how the Church has, in the past century, begun to separate justice from evangelism. I think there is strong biblical basis for them being intended to go hand-in-hand. Social justice demands the Gospel, and the Gospel without social justice is weakened.
God, may our hands, feet, tongue, and lives bring Your kingdom to Earth in ALL ways. Help us be DOERS of the Word, not just HEARERS. May it be so.
Jesus, the extent of our own brokenness is utterly staggering. We need Your healing so desperately, LORD. Thank you for entering a broken sphere for the sake of healing and redemption. Thank you for thinking of us, Father.
Today has honestly just been a crappy day. My own tiredness just kind of slithered sinisterly under the surface today, and then erupted, leaving a murky film over my day. I hate it when tiredness does that.
Something about today has found me giving into the temptations to believe that I am inadequate in so many ways. Academically, it hit hard today for one reason or another. I was overwhelmed by my Education class today, and then I felt like I came on too strong in my discussion for another class. It left me feeling weird, and a little discouraged about my future in the midst of so much collegiate academics.
On top of those things, it has been about a month now since I have been home, and that funkiness always kinda drags me down around this mark in the semester. It is, of course, a combination of things, but this week I have really missed my family and being home. Plus I know my own tendency to paint home as a quixotic end-all-be-all, and it seems like a haven from the stress that follows me around like my shadow, constantly tapping my shoulder and trying to be my friend.
I know my own weaknesses pretty well most of the time, and today was the vacuum for them to compound in. I know I had a pretty bad attitude round about mid afternoon, and once I gave in to that, it was easy to complain about everything. I am sad that I was such a Wendy Whiner this afternoon.
I was listening to some JJ Heller just now, and her songs cut straight to the heart. I am posting some of her lyrics (all off of her album, Deeper) below.
Control by JJ Heller
The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn't hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace
Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go
Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win
Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go
I'm letting go of the illusion
I'm letting go of the confusion
I can't carry it another step
I close my eyes and take a breath
I'm letting go, letting go
There were scars before my scars
Love written on the hands that hung the stars
Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me
No Fight Left by JJ Heller
It's hard to tell
If my eyes are open
When all I see is dark
And it's easy, it's easy
To lose my step, to lose my step
There is no fight left
On the inside
But maybe, that's where I should be
I've given up tryin'
I'm giving it all to you
When I use to dream of a life so lovely
There'd be no room for tears
Now letting go, yea letting go
Is the hardest part, it's the hardest part
There is no fight left
On the inside
But maybe, that's where I should be
I've given up tryin'
I'm giving it all to you
Oh oh oh...
There is no place I can go
Where you don't already know
How to reach right down
And pull me out
I need you oh i need you
I need you
There is no fight left
On the inside
But maybe, that's where I should be
I've given up tryin'
I'm giving it all
There is no fight left
On the inside
But maybe, that's where I should be
I've given up tryin'
I'm giving it all yea
I've given up tryin'
I'm giving it all yea and
I've given up tryin'
I'm giving it all... to you
I realized how selfish my love for other people is. When was the last time I appreciated a person, and bestowed my love upon them, for the sheer fact of their existence? I can't recall.
I find that I tend to quantify the love I have for others, and I am finding that it trends upward when they give me something, or act out a certain role in my life. The more someone does something for me or even appreciates me, the more I tend to love/value them. This is so inherently selfish, it is a little bit repulsive.
Yet within lies a double-edged sword. I don't like it when others approach me with this mentality; I hate it. But I quietly carry my own ruler inside me, and use it to shower my "love" on others in my life.
I am in awe at how--radically--different Jesus' love was. He gave without expecting back. He showered love on those who could not even return to thank Him. (see Luke 17:11-19) He gave freely and in abundance to many (see Matthew 14:18-20), not just those he held near and dear.
This ties into one more lesson God is instilling in my heart right now. My neighbor, my brother and sister, are so much more than I used to think them. Jesus had a wide view of the world: everyone was Jesus' neighbor, his brother, sister, mother. He treated them all with truly selfless love. I want to love like that, Jesus. Please weed out this self-centered love in my heart that masquerades itself falsely as "selfless" love. Please break my heart in love for my enemies, for those who refuse my love, and for those who don't expect it.
For love is not self-seeking... [1 Corinthians 13:5]
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless...
~"Cable Car (Over My Head) by The Fray
The waters rise
Fill the dam of my heart
Swirling about, no outlet
Am I losing you?
You fade into the landscape
Familiar but far
Jesus, fill this heart so empty and forlorn.
Remind me who I am before I lose myself,
before I am in too far.
To be in the middle of a field, gazing up safely at your Creation
marveling at the stars you fashioned and designed.
To be swaddled in the soft grasses, hugging and embracing the whole of who I am.
When I am all alone, You remain.
If all I know dissolves
If all I love ceases breathing
If all I own washes away
Will you stay?
I think one of the truest forms of love occurs when we share truth with each other. I know that my tendency is to worry about how another will respond to the truth I love them too much not to share with them. My fear is that they will take it personally, that they will not hear what I am really saying and truly trying to communicate.
It can be hard to give these fears over to God. But I know that He gave me the words today when I needed them.
This weekend's retreat was rich in thought for me, and I admit that my mind is still churning as I have been back.
What did I experience this weekend?
Beauty. I was around so much beauty of humankind this weekend.
Love. The love flowing out of this community was absolutely phenomenal. It flowed out directly and indirectly and touched each and every person in attendance. If only we always had such love for others- I can say, non-jadely, that the world would be an entirely different place.
Hope. We traced where we have been, where our society is, where our college community currently is. And yet, there is a firm resolve of hope. These weekend was about those who don't give up in their struggles, and those who advocate for the struggling.
I was privy to the beauty of a tapestry of stories and struggles, tragedies and triumphs. My heart was broken at times for the innate brokenness, and the brokenness we have caused by others' hate and hurt. And ignorance, incorrectly handled. The rivers of pain run deep and ravage entire communities of beautiful, many-hued people, precious people made in God's own image.
I cannot ignore these things any more. I have looked people in the face, witnessed the tears streaming down their face, acknowledged the validity of their hurts. What am I supposed to say in response to what was before my eyes? Things become real, very quickly, when it is embodied by real people in your presence.
Jesus, I so desperately want to love people with the fullness of Your truth. Show me please, how to love and affirm the people you created, while not compromising the freedom of Your truth. I realize that this truth is often offensive, so please show me how to continue sharing that in all love.
LORD, I don't want to perpetuate the hate stemming from a fear of those different than me. That has never been okay, even for the sake of truth. Forgive me, Father, for the ways I have neglected to care for those who believe differently than me. There is no excuse for my cold shoulder. I want to internalize this love and engagement with those struggling and hurt communities on campus. Help me to be the change I desire to see for these precious people. Help me to understand that I am not the Savior, but instead to serve them while pointing them to the One Savior. I admit that I do not know how this will flesh out, or what personal losses I will take for doing so. But I want to engage; help me to see how.
There is great responsibility for one whose eyes have been opened to injustice, and it does not always come to us at convenient times or places. However, that is no excuse for not doing the right thing.
"Remind Me Who I Am"
~Jason Gray
When I lose My way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the lonliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.
Tell me once again who I am to you.
Who I am to you.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to you.
That I belong to you.
To you.
When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't recieve your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I'm your beloved,
Can you help me believe it.
Tell me once again who I am to you.
Who I am to you, Woh.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to you.
That I belong to you.
To you.
I'm the one you love,
I'm the one you love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one you love.
